As someone who has dedicated their entire life to dogs, dog training, and what makes a dog tick, I have deep empathy for dog owners who don’t understand their dogs behavior the way that I do. Naturally, there are days that I wish people researched how to best raise a canine the way they would a snake, ferret, or turtle, but I also acknowledge that dogs are unique in the role they play in our lives. I could ramble on and on about plenty of overlooked elements involved in inviting a predatory animal into our homes, but by far I think one of the most misunderstood aspects of raising dogs is “socialization”.

I remind myself that the order of operations is most commonly:

1. Find a puppy

2. Try to train the puppy the best known way

3. Look for a dog trainer if issues emerge

And that most people are trying their absolute best with the information that they have. There is so much bad information out there, it makes sense people are confused.

Almost every single phone consult I do, whether it be for a 12 week old puppy or a 6-year-old adult dog exhibiting aggression, well-meaning dog owners tell me about their dogs socialization experiences, or lack thereof. Some dog owners shamefully admit to me that they “have not socialized their dog enough” and that’s why they believe their dog is exhibiting x, y, z behavioral problems. Or, they exclaim that they have made sure to do lots of socialization but are still seeing some issues. The thing is, the things they believe they are doing to benefit their dog is often the exact reason they are struggling with them.

Why are these “well socialized” dogs reactive, anxious, aggressive, suffering from separation issues, crate phobic, not food motivated?…

For one, society — and society’s expectations of dogs — has changed. What once was “a dog will be a dog” is now “my dog is bad, because it doesn’t accept strangers touching them, children climbing on top of them during mealtime, they are not behaving at the brewery at 8 months old, they protect the property from people I know, and they are pulling me towards dogs/bikes/rabbits on leash”.

If you take the word “socialization” and trade it for “neutral exposure”, we can usually see things a bit clearer. Socialization today has become a poisoned word in dog ownership. Is your dog afraid of new people? Socialize them. Are they aggressive towards other dogs? They need more socialization. Is your dog too excited when greeting guests? You guessed it, socialization. The word is regurgitated from pet owners, dog trainers, veterinarians, and doggy daycare workers without much explanation on how to accomplish it. It’s a seemingly straightforward word that is interpreted to mean “if your dog has more interactions with stuff, they’ll get used to said stuff and get over it”. But that’s -not- how behavior works. A shy dog will not become less shy if they are flooded with interactions with strangers. A dog-aggressive dog will not become dog social if you take it to the dog park. There are limits to what physical interaction, exposure, training, and counter-conditioning can do for a dog. While there are absolutely things we can do to help dogs make better choices, we cannot change our dogs personality and social spectrum. Most dogs become less social with age, and that doesn’t make them a bad dog. But we can certainly create major behavioral problems through inappropriate socialization.

Nowadays, I find “under socialized” dogs are the rarity. Most dogs are either enrolled in training at a young age, brought to dog parks or daycares from puppyhood on, or are allowed to interact with random dogs and people on a regular basis without practicing -ignoring- an equal ratio of them. Most do all of the above. In such a dog-friendly world, it makes sense. Most puppies are not being shut off in one house for their critical socialization period, because people know now that early socialization is important when raising a puppy. What they don’t know is that allowing too much interaction is also a major no-no, and so they enroll in puppy class, take their puppy to daycare and dog parks, allow on leash greetings, ask their friends and family members to come over (with their dogs)… all the while, not focusing on calm, neutral behavior around dogs and people. Additionally, we are currently living in a world that is depending heavily on dog parks, dog daycare, and Rover sitters to care for and entertain our dogs, and our emphasis on good behavior has, unfortunately, not kept up.

To pinpoint on the focus of this post, here is what I guide puppy owners to do:

1. Focus on engagement skills, name recognition, and capturing good leash walking on a long-line in low-distraction environments.

2. Teach your puppy to enjoy working with you for food rewards

3. Only allow your puppy to physically interact with other people and dogs who will be a long-term part of their lives; groomers and veterinary staff, friends, family members, and their dogs, neighbors, and dog training staff/clients.

4. Utilize your crate at home throughout the day, and when you have guests over.

5. Don’t allow out of control play with dogs/people in the house.

6. Take your puppy to new areas to train, where the goal is having a great time with YOU, while ignoring dogs and people.

7. Do not allow strangers or strange dogs to come up to your puppy on leash.

8. Avoid dog parks and daycare (unless you are enrolled in a Day Train program, where a dog trainer is overseeing all interaction).

9. Enroll in puppy classes where playtime is not the focus.

10. Make sure your puppy is confident, calm, and focused during all outings for at least the first year of their life.

And even when you do everything right, at the end of the day genetics are going to play a major role on your dogs level of sociability. Which leaves many thinking.. so what is the point of socialization?

Proper socialization is about building as much confidence as possible, without creating a demanding monster who cannot focus in the world around them. It is about trying to set our dog up to be the best dog they can be, with or without a solid genetic backing. A well-socialized puppy who is genetically nervous will probably still be a nervous dog, but they hopefully will not turn into a reactive or outright aggressive dog. A well-socialized, social dog will likely avoid obsession-based reactive behaviors if we do things right. We are just trying to stack the odds in our favor, by not under-doing it, but also not overdoing it. We will not change the dog inside, but we may avoid problematic fallout if we do things correctly.

Next time you think about the word “socialization”, think about what you want to see in your dog long-term. Focus on teaching your dog how to cope around strangers, other dogs, and other distractions such as bicycles, squirrels, and strollers, and train for that picture, instead. Allow interactions with people and dogs that you know and trust, and create an environment that harbors structure and trust over excitement and franticness. While your dog may become more selective with age, setting a good foundation for neutrality early on may help prevent some serious concerns later. Socialization is important, indeed.. but only if we know what it is we’re actually talking about.